It’s 3am and I’m UP!! WHY?? I went to sleep peacefully a lil before 1pm…no meds…trying to keep my system clear cuz i have to drive myself to my chemo appt at 9:30am…so don’t want to be droggy while i’m driving…BIG DISAPPOINTMENT in that i thought I was going to have a ride…but it didn’t really work out this time…praying future chemo appts will be better arranged so i won’t have to drive myself…it’s not that i can’t drive myself…it’s just that i prefer not too – ESPECIALLY if I’m still on these pain meds…plus I didn’t feel that GREAT afterwards last time…so prefer to have someone there with me…
Feeling VERY ALONE this time around…In Home Support not really in place like I feel it should be…don’t really have anyone I can RELY on to go with me to appts…some have offered…YET the truth of the matter is when it comes down to it…it’s easy for other things to come up which prevent and/or deter others from REALLY being committed to helping out…it made my heart happy to know BRY will be able to make some arrangements in the future with her job…praying it will all work out…thought today was going to be our first day together…but didn’t really work out since I wasn’t really feeling that great to drive to her house last night and she had a late meeting so she couldn’t pick me up…today would be a lot of driving coming to my house then COH then back to my house then to work in RIALTO – i could feel the stress in her voice when we were discussing it which made me uncomfortable cuz i don’t want to inconvenience anyone…one thing i’ve learned with offering to help me out – particularly with DR. appts – is that there can’t be any time restraints cuz my days are so UNPREDICTABLE…appt times change and/or are prolonged…I may or may not be feeling good that day…so FLEXIBILITY is KEY…I know it’s going to work out…just a lil disheartening right now…but that’s not why i’m awake at 3am!!
I figure i’m awake so i can PRAY!! which i’ve been doing…and reading my WORD…i’m not the only one with challenges in this WORLD so I’m praying for other FOLK…we all need one another to pray for one another to help ward off the attacks coming our way daily…so i may not know SPECIFICALLY what I should be praying for for YOU, but GOD KNOWS so just know I’m calling out your name and lifting it up to GOD!! and IF there is something SPECIFICALLY you do want me to pray for, please let me know…it would be MY HONOR to pray for you…
Still have LOTS OF PAIN!! My ribs feel like they are fractured…painful every which way i turn…hence the pain meds – which i HATE to take…but finding it necessary last few days…praying for relief…SOON!! Feel like meds put me in a strange place – i don’t feel like myself…TODAY I AM PRESSING MY WAY THROUGH to remain POSITIVE, SPIRITED, LOVING, KIND, HUMBLE, GRATEFUL, PEACEFUL…last couple of days i haven’t felt that way…for the FIRST TIME I had a hard time making it to church on Sunday…I woke up in a lot of pain, very droggy, nauseated, didn’t feel good at all!! Had to PRAY HARD to get out of bed and force myself to go to church…SO TODAY I’m taking authority over that SPIRIT of whatever it is…I will NOT ALLOW MY CIRCUMSTANCE to take over me…I WILL FORCE THE WORD (of GOD) to take over my circumstance IJN!!
Feel a lil anxious cuz my funds are low…most pressing my STATE BAR DUES for my license as an attorney due tomorrow…I KNOW GOD IS GOING TO WORK IT ALL OUT so i’m trying not to stress and of course I can pay AFTER tomorrow, I just prefer NOT to pay an extra $100 bucks in late fees…so I’m CONFIDENT the LORD will PERFECT ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE CONCERNING ME!! Afterall…this is BIG WEEK for me…so of course the enemy wants me to be down and worried so as to interfere with the EXCITEMENT that I FEEL about going to my FINAL judges training, the bookwriting/publishing seminar and the non-profit/grant writing conference…but I won’t let him win!! I’M STILL EXCITED!! and I’m soo looking forward to EVERYTHING!! Thank you for the opportunity LORD!!
YOLI has had some good days the last couple of days which makes me HAPPY!! She got out of bed, went outside, and even ate something…PRAISE THE LORD!! She is a FIGHTER!! and I’m soo PROUD of her!! And of course her MOM Ella is HAPPY because her baby is STILL FIGHTING!! So EVERYBODY is HAPPY!!
Well, another reason I may have been up at this time – besides Praying – is because I had to call the airline VIRGIN AMERICA…they are so ghetto they close at a certain time and reopen at 3:30am…so I was able to finally get thru to them – after being on HOLD for almost 1hr the other day…I was scheduled to go back to NYC to visit my cousin during the winter to see if I could take the COLD, but now because of chemo I’m not able to go…I was actually scheduled to leave this fri feb 3rd…so i had to put the ticket on HOLD for now…I’m sure I’ll be using it again one day before this year is over…sadimnotgoingnow…:-(
OK…WELL ENOUGH OF THIS PITY PARTY!! Sadness, Depression, Worry, Despair, Self-Pity – ARE NOT the ATTIRE I choose to WEAR!! I’m TOO FABULOUS for the DOOM-GLOOM…I’m SHAKING this OFF RIGHT NOW In The Name of JESUS!! I HATE THIS FEELING!! It’s soooo NOT ME!! This is the DAY the LORD has MADE and NO MATTER WHAT I will REJOICE and be GLAD in IT!! I will take myself to COH for my appt, I will FEEL GREAT and be able to make it there and BACK with no challenges!! I will KEEP a SMILE on my FACE TODAY and Share the LOVE of CHRIST with others…I will not be concerned about things I have no control over…and I WIL CONTINUE TO TRUST THE LORD WITH EVERYTHING THAT’S IN ME….
I love you all…and I PRAY TODAY is FABULOUS for you and you’re surrounded by the LOVE of the LORD!! and the FAVOR of the LORD!! and the PEACE of the LORD!! GOD BLESS YOU…